The 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Tell-All recap shows an alive and very real Maria. Yes, Caesar Mack‘s Russian bae had a video cameo. And TLC also dredged up Jesse Meester to torment ever-tearful Darcey Silva. So, rest up friends. Hydrate, stretch, and carbo-load.
Because there are three hours of Tell All (in total) to slog through. And, it looks like it’s gonna be a doozy. Let’s break down what happened before the home stretch with this recap of Against All Odds and Tell All Part 1.
Holy Crap – Caesar Mack’s Girl Maria is Real – 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Recap
Jaws collectively dropped across the universe as viewers finally saw the real Maria. The blonde Ukrainian catfish finally came up for air. While Caesar Mack ate chalky scrambled eggs off a paper plate, this bish is jet setting and shopping on his hard-earned manicure money. She says she joined the website Anastasia Date because that’s what Ukrainian girls do.
Maria met Caesar Mack on the site. While she says she wasn’t physically attracted, she liked that he sent her flowers and is American. And sent her all his money… On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Maria and her friends shop and sip Mojitos while talking about her bilking the lonely nail tech. Maria just returned from Dubai. Her friend asks her if she found love there. She says she will tell her later.
And then there was talk about the plane ticket to Mexico Caesar Mack couldn’t afford. Her Ukranian gal pals say she deserves better and advises her to dump Caesar. Maria says since all he does is nails, he doesn’t send her much money. And that he needs to work and do something. When producers ask how much he sent, Maria quips she’s not an accountant. Caesar Mack admits to sending more recently. (Insert facepalm – come on Caesar…)
Darcey’s Not Desperate – She Just Plays Desperate On TV
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, the finale begins with both Silva sisters landing at the same New York airport within a few hours of each other. So, they share a ride together back to Connecticut. The trip is tense, with Darcey Silva admitting she got a house key, not a ring, from Tom Brooks. To which Stacey one-ups that she is still engaged.
Darcey claps back that she would put a time limit on being engaged since Stacey’s been engaged to this dude since 1985. Just kidding – Florian wasn’t even born then. Back home in CT, Darcey’s feeling insecure (no shock there). After Tom told her he’d be busy for at least 10 days and not to bother him, she did the opposite and blew up his phone.
Darcey jumps into a white jumpsuit with bad panty lines and sprays on perfume. To Face Time with a man in another country. Tom isn’t very happy and harangues her for nonstop calls and texts when he’s in a business meeting – or sleeping at 4 am. And he asks if she’s “that girl”. Duh, of course, she is. On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Darcey wonders exactly what girl he’s talking about.
Tom finally admits the long-distance thing isn’t working. And that they should just be friends. Darcey is super confused as to what she could have possibly done to make him not love her. It had to be the lack of Salsa dancing skills.
Zied Hakimi Proposes to Rebecca Parrott on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Rebecca Parrott dragged every last skeleton out of her closet and still, Zied Hakimi stuck around. She’s tortured the Arabic hipster with all her cultural taboos. But Zied takes it in stride. And believes her that the divorce papers are signed. Just not sealed and delivered. Nonetheless, he is ready to propose. For Rebecca, life really is a box of chocolates. And this time it had an engagement ring in it.
She says yes. And reminds us that she’s just a middle-aged mom from Georgia, sitting in the Sahara desert, getting a ring she paid for herself. Later on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Rebecca drives the rental car she paid for to the airport wearing the ring she also paid for. Zied says he didn’t use her money for the ring. His sister paid for it. This makes Rebecca proud.
He tells her to go home and finish the divorce. Because she’s all his now. And she’ll soon see his face all day in her home and even in her car. But she already does. Since his face is on all her coffee cups, pillowcases, and car air fresheners. They say their goodbyes. Next step: a K-1 visa for Zied post-90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. At least she got a ring unlike other hopefuls (cough cough Darcey cough).
Goodbye For Now – Angela Takes Her Beautiful Uterus Back to America
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Angela Deem packs her cigs and bell-bottom yoga pants and heads to the airport with fiance Michael Ilesanmi. He’s decked out in stars and stripes, ready to head to ‘Merica. Angie says she came here to see if she could trust Michael. After taking a cake to the face and a crap pile of humiliation, he’s (sorta) passed the test. But, Ang reminds us the baby thing’s an obstacle.
As the couple says goodbye, Angela offers up parting advice: “Don’t f*ck It up. Stop yur lyin’ and stop followin’ them women on Instagram. And the BookFace and the ChatSnap and all that other stuff.” Michael drops to his knees and promises to behave. He’s sad and says he feels like half of his body is leaving. They say final goodbyes and her Georgia a** heads home on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days.
Separation Anxiety on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Benjamin Taylor and Akinyi Obala head to the airport at 4 am. The two are married now (at least in Kenya). Because Ben coughed up enough sugar and flour and an installment payment to cover the bride price. Ben didn’t tell his family the news yet. He finally sent a text after he and Akinyi argued about it. She cries when it’s time for him to head through security.
And Ben gets an MTV-Esque to send off walking to the gate with some sad love song playing in the background. On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Avery Mills is lonely and bored in her room back in Oh-High-Oh. She had to leave her brand new hubby in the Middle East. And now deal with the fact that due to the travel ban, Omar only has a 5% chance of getting a visa to come to America.
They FaceTime and she gives him the bad news from the lawyer. They discuss moving to Dubai. She asks if he could handle being married for a few years without seeing her. He says he’s not sure. This causes Avery to doubt his love. But she Googles Dubai and sees how good the shopping is. So, game on. This girl’s handing on tight to her man. Their 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days process is still ongoing.
The Tell-All Begins – 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Caesar Mack arrives first to walks the hallowed halls of the Tell All. He’s hoping to fix things via satellite with his on again-off again cyber love Maria. That or it will be the end. Until she needs money to get her roots touched up. Tim Malcolm arrives next and admits things have slowed down with Jeniffer Tarazona. Dude. You never passed second base. Could it be any slower?
Ben Taylor comes next carrying dress shoes, grateful for air conditioning. On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Tell All, Rebecca Parrott glides in wearing a low-cut top, free of Tunisian dress codes. Tom Brooks shows up, a little slimmer but still stuffy. Jesse Meester will join the Tell All for no reason other than to torment his ex. He says he’s happy to be detached from Darcey Silva and all her drama. But yet he’s here.
Darcey slinks in wearing a black sequins crop top and glasses that look like a tinted windshield from a Trans Am. She says she’s a “strong woman”. If you repeat it enough times, does it come true? She says she’s not scared of Jesse. Avery Mills shows up in a trendy, fun polka dot hijab. She changes to a more sophisticated jewel tone hijab before curtain call.
Speaking of sophisticated, Angela Deem is totin’ all her Tell All must-haves in her t*tty wallet. She unloads a pack of Marlboro Reds, a lighter, a half roll of mentos, a tire iron, an airplane bottle of vodka and a Slim Jim. And that was just one cup. She should have just smuggled Mykull in there and skipped the cost of the K-1. Let’s get this Tell All for 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days rolling.
Host Shaun Robinson Has a New Dress But The Same Old Game
The cast heads to the stage on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. It’s like a walk of shame for some. But Tim struts out like the front-man of an 80’s glam band heading out to play a mid-sized bar tour of their one hit. Until he sees Jeniffer Tarazona on the screen. And his ego and manhood shrink a size or two. Shaun gets everyone settled next to the right long-distance lover screen.
Of course, Caesar Mack is next to a blank screen. A mint green-clad Shaun Robinson begins what she calls a 4-hour TV event. Shaun teases that a blast from the past is here. And no, it’s not Darcey’s weave circa 2018. It’s her ex, Jesse Meester. Shaun asks Tom Brooks what he’s doing here. As it seemed like he broke up with Darcey. He says he’s here to support her. And they are together.
But he stops short of saying she’s his girlfriend. Darcey, of course, considers Tom her boyfriend whether he knows it or not. After all, they’ve been together four years. Including when she was falling drunk into bushes in Amsterdam with Jesse Meester on past seasons of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Maybe Tom just came to get his house key back…
Jeniffer Tarazona Calls Zied Hakimi a Freak – 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Tell All
Shaun Robinson pulls out the old TLC stand by of showing clips of what we’ve already seen. The couples’ first meetings at the airport. Darcey ho-bathing at Heathrow. And also Benjamin man-ho-bathing in Kenya. Which Akinyi says she didn’t notice because he was still stank. She complained she thought he’d be “smaller”. He says he was skinnier at one time. She suggests he go back to that time. Ouch.
Shaun wants to know what everyone thought of Zied wearing filtered Rebecca on his shirt. Jeniffer says it made him look like a freak. This from a woman whose love interest carried a whole day spa with him on the plane and has no interest in her cookie jar. Later on, in the green room, Rebecca’s pissed. Tim tries to smooth it over by saying freak is different in Spanish.
Avery stands up for Zied. She thinks the gesture was cute. Tim points out that she’s 20. This 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days backstage brawl dies out before it gets good. Damn it…
Let’s Talk About Sex (Or Not)
Jeniffer admits that Tim is not her type. This brings up the obvious question by Shaun whether they have “been intimate”. In other words “did you bang her yet?”. Tim stammers about how they did some stuff but “not like intercourse”. He says there was always an obstacle. Angela chimes in that her and Mah-kull do it all the time no matter what’s in their way on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days.
In arguably the most TMI Tell All moment since Danielle’s “medically related odor”, Darcey said she wanted a little Tom Brooks. That she was ready to sex it up. And she got it good. Don’t you mean, you got it well, Darcey? Then, Akinyi says Ben played the religion card to avoid her nethers. Solo Caesar Mack’s asked if he would have taken it slow had Maria showed up.
Tim reminds Shaun that the man brought candy panties to their first Mexican meet-up that never happened. Caesar Mack says maybe at first but then it would be “hammer time”. Keeping it classy on the 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Tell All.
Avery’s Not Happy – Mom Teri Joins Tell All on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days
Avery and Omar’s future doesn’t look so bright. An immigration attorney told them Omar’s chance at a visa is slim. And Avery’s plan of moving to Syria will only make things worse. Shaun hauls out the trusty clips of when Teri Mills dissed Omar and his culture. And when she cried over her kid moving to a war zone. But Teri said she’d accept Avery moving to another country as long as she is safe.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 days, Tom Brooks gives the 20-year-old some advice. He tells her it will be tough when she’s living in a foreign country with a language barrier and not knowing anyone while Omar does root canals. Angela backs up Tom. Jeniffer says she respects Teri for letting her daughter live her life and make her own choices. We say goodbye to Omar for now because he has a molar test.
Jesse Meester is a legend in his own mind. Arriving in what looks like Great Gatsby cosplay, the Dutch diva demands a coffee. And in an aside, says he’s here to give an update on his life since dodging Darcey and a flying red-bottomed stiletto. “People are super curious,” he says. No. People want sh*t stirred. And Jesse brought a big a** spoon.
Again, we will have to wait to see exactly what kind of shenanigans Jesse starts. First up, Tom’s sister Emma Brooks gets to cross-examine Darcey. On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Emma comes out swinging. She thinks Darcey is only in it for a ring and doesn’t really know Tom. She quizzes her on what his favorite color is. Of course, Darcey doesn’t know that it’s blue.
Likewise, Tom guesses that Darcey’s favorite shade is nude. Because tears don’t have a color… But she says it’s actually white. The color of a wedding dress (and clouds of delusion). Shaun asks about Tom’s prior two engagements. Again, Darcey had no idea. Two engagements and she gets a skeleton key to his mum’s lawn shed? Not cool Tom. Jesse’s backstage laugh-coughing latte out his nose.
Be sure to check Tell All part two for more of Maria actually showing up for something with Caesar Mack – and Amsterdamaged taking the stage.